| Outline |
| 1 Reasons for This Page |
| 2 Update |
| 3 Corrections |
| 4 Meeting Women |
| 4.1 Good Places to Meet Women |
| 4.1.1 Air Shows |
| 4.1.2 Bus Stations |
| 4.1.3 Foreign Brides |
| 4.1.4 Funerals |
| 4.1.5 Hospitals |
| 4.1.6 McDonald's |
| 4.1.7 Post Offices |
| 4.1.8 Shuttle Launches |
| 4.1.9 Weddings |
| 4.2 Pickup Lines |
| 4.2.1 The List |
| 4.3 Rules to Follow When Hitting on Women |
| 5 Dating |
| 5.1 Things to Do Before Dates |
| 5.2 Gifts |
| 5.3 Things to Do on Dates |
| 5.4 Scoring Guy Points While Dating |
| 5.5 Words to Avoid Using on a First Date |
| 5.6 Treating Dating Related Injuries and Illnesses |
| 5.6.1 Decapitation |
| 5.6.2 Dislocated Skeleton |
| 5.6.3 Gaping Flesh Wounds |
| 5.6.4 Explosive Leprosy |
| 6 Reader Contributions |
| 6.1 10% rule |
| 6.2 Does this make me look fat? |
| 6.3 Don't buy women gifts that die. |
| 6.4 Women Like Cute Little Vehicles |
| 6.4.1 Subaru Brat |
| Content |
| 1 Reasons for This Page |
| - | There are some in and outside of my family who wonder why I'm not married yet. I'm sure some of those people are thinking things they shouldn't be thinking. In an effort to quash some of that thinking, I'm putting what I know about women up on the Web. Hopefully, this page will show I know a lot about women and my being unmarried is just bad luck (or at least not my fault). |
| - | Maybe single guys will be able to use this page to improve their social life. |
| - | Maybe women who'd like to see me married will send in suggestions and correct any misconceptions I have about what women want. It's possible that I've gotten a few things wrong. |
| 2 Update |
| - | I was married March 19th, 2005. I used 90% of the tips in this document on Gina. So, this is proof they work! |
| 3 Corrections |
| - | If there is something important I've missed, please email me at greg_lange@hotmail.com. |
| 4 Meeting Women |
| 4.1 Good Places to Meet Women |
| 4.1.1 Air Shows |
| - | Air shows are a great place to meet women. People at air shows spend lots of time looking up into the sky. This allows a guy on the prowl to zero in on potential women without fear of being noticed in the process. Once you've made a list of women you want to take a shot at, the breaks in the show will give you a natural place to make your move. And, if everything works out really well, you can immediately hop onto a plane for a tropical getaway. |
| 4.1.2 Bus Stations |
| - |
Many, many people pass through an average bus station on an average day.
And, these are not just your normal people.
They are hip people with places to go.
An effective technique for this situation is to pretend to be waiting for a bus yourself. But, this will stop working after 6 or 7 hours. People will eventually notice you aren't actually getting on a bus. Carting around pieces of luggage is a nice touch that will go a long way toward helping you pull off the intended effect. |
| 4.1.3 Foreign Brides |
| - | If all else fails (or you are just lazy), don't forget about foreign brides. There are thousands of perfectly lovely women wanting to come to the US for love and the good life. The key to finding the right girl is traveling to see her before you pay the postage. Remember, there's nothing fun about trying to return a foreign bride. |
| 4.1.4 Funerals |
| - | A funeral might not seem like a good place to meet women, but it really is. The secret is putting on a happy face. A big, bright smile will really make you stand out. |
| 4.1.5 Hospitals |
| - |
Many men shy away from hospitals when looking for women because of the fear of competition from doctors.
This is a big mistake.
Most doctors are married and wouldn't think of cheating on their wives.
A good technique for picking up women at hospitals is pretending to be a single doctor. You'll most likely be the only one in the entire hospital and women will flock to you like a herd of moths to a somewhat bright source of light. While executing this charade, it's a good idea to limit the number of actual surgeries you perform to one or two. |
| 4.1.6 McDonald's |
| - | McDonald's is filled with McChicks. There are high school girls, college juniors, young divorced mothers, older shift workers, ballet dancers, tuba players, scuba divers, rutabaga farmers, mediums, flight attendants, and ex-nuns. Go McCrazy! |
| 4.1.7 Post Offices |
| - | People licking stamps and envelopes. Need I say more? |
| 4.1.8 Shuttle Launches |
| - | Shuttle launches attract large numbers of people and are often marked by long periods of waiting. This is the perfect situation for meeting women. The waiting generally gives you ample time to work the crowd. The waiting also leaves people with nothing better to do than talk. Starting conversations is easy. This is true, in part, because everybody is present for the same reason and thus automatically share a common interest. Plus, shuttle groupies are hot! |
| 4.1.9 Weddings |
| + | Weddings are a good place to meet women for the following reasons: |
| - | Weddings require getting dressed up. Since you have to put your best foot forward anyway, you might as well use the opportunity to meet women. |
| - | Weddings are a couple activity. Married women or women who are involved in a serious relationship almost always attend weddings with their men. This causes single, completely unattached women to stand out like sore thumbs. Focus your attention on these women. That's where the greatest potential for success lies. |
| - | Single women will occasionally experience a moment of panic/desperation at weddings. Being at the right place at the right time is often half of the battle. |
| - | I'll throw in an extra tip here. Avoid hitting on the bride. That hardly ever works. |
| 4.2 Pickup Lines |
| - | Pickup lines have gotten a bad rap lately. I think they still work. You just have to carefully choose the right one for the situation. With the right pickup line, you should be able to get any women's number. Here are some lines I've found particularly effective when used as conversation starters or to seal the deal. |
| 4.2.1 The List |
| - | I noticed you from across the room and just had to talk to you. |
| - | I like your shoes. Can I try them on? |
| - | You are very pretty. What's your name? |
| - | Hello there! You remind me of my mother. |
| - | Is this as pretty as you get? |
| - | Can I buy you a drink? |
| - | Is this seat taken? Are you? |
| - | You have beautiful eyes, two of them. |
| - | What lies do I have to tell you in order to get your number? |
| - | Hey, baby. I'm catfish! |
| - | Come on baby. I'll shock and awe you. |
| - | Hi. My name is X. I'm awesome! |
| 4.3 Rules to Follow When Hitting on Women |
| - | It's perfectly ok to lie about your age by 20% either way. However, lying by more than 20% will always end in disaster. So, faithfully follow the 20% rule (unless the girl is extremely attractive). |
| - | Never hit on the prettiest girl in the room. Wait until she gets in a room with prettier girls. |
| 5 Dating |
| 5.1 Things to Do Before Dates |
| + | Before your first date with a woman, try to find out as much as you can about her. It's important to have a good idea who it is you are dating. At a very minimum, you should do each of these things: |
| - | Go through her trash. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about people by taking a look at what they throw away. |
| - | Interview her friends and relatives. Ask lots of questions. Study the answers until you know more about her than you do about yourself. |
| - | Follow her around for a few days. Learn her schedule. When does she leave for work? When does she get home? When does she go to bed? |
| - | Sit in your car outside her apartment or house and get a feel for things. Does anybody hassle you or call the cops? Are you able to observe her through one of her windows? Is there a good, dark place to park on her block? |
| 5.2 Gifts |
| - | Buying your date a small gift or token of affection is often a good idea. |
| + | Here are some appropriate gift selections for most women: |
| - | Flowers |
| - | Chocolate |
| - | Candy |
| - | Matchbox cars |
| - | Potted plants |
| - | Office supplies |
| - | Toothbrushes |
| - | Spackle |
| - | Sparklers |
| 5.3 Things to Do on Dates |
| - | "Forget" your wallet. Women want to pay sometimes. Leaving your wallet at home is a good way to tell the woman that it is her turn to pay. |
| - | Come up with a cute theme or idea for a date. For example, bring a Polaroid camera along and take pictures throughout your date. At the end, divide up the pictures. She'll notice the creativity and she'll have something to remember you with. |
| + | On your first few dates with a woman, ask many very personal questions. Ask about things you have no business knowing about. This will show that you have a keen interest in learning as much as you can about her. Here are some sample questions of the type I have in mind: |
| - | What kind of underwear are you wearing? |
| - | How much do you make each year? |
| - | Occasionally, talk about yourself in the third person. Greg thinks doing this will make you seem more interesting. But, Greg warns against doing this to excess. Greg says this might cause you to seem stuck on yourself. |
| - | Exhibit rapid and unpredictable mood swings. This will make things more exciting for your date. |
| + | In order to show you can be sensual, really get "into" eating your desert. Do some or all of the following things: |
| - | Get really excited when your desert reaches the table. |
| - | As you eat, make sounds that show you are really enjoying your desert. |
| - | If your desert is covered with whipped cream, slowly "tongue" it off. |
| - | Look exhausted and spent after finishing your desert. |
| - | Tell inappropriate jokes. If your date laughs at them instead of reproaching you for your poor taste, maybe she's not the one for you. |
| - | If a date is going particularly poorly, it's ok to excuse yourself for a trip to the bathroom and never come back. If your date confronts you later, claim you got lost. |
| - | Show up in costume or wearing something unusual. Consider wearing a cape or a suit of armor or walking on stilts the entire date. Your date will see you can think outside of the box. |
| 5.4 Scoring Guy Points While Dating |
| + | These things won't impress the women you date. They will, however, score you major guy points and sometimes that's more important than anything else. |
| - | If it turns out your date has a more attractive roommate, try to pull off the roommate switch. Just attempting such a thing will score you guy points, actually pulling it off will make you a hero. |
| - | When telling your friends about a date, enhance your stories by adding things that didn't actually happen. Such enhancement is necessary because all guys do it and you don't want your dates to sound lame by comparison. |
| 5.5 Words to Avoid Using on a First Date |
| + | Never use any of the following words on or before a first date with a woman. |
| - | evil |
| - | psycho |
| - | chicken pot pie |
| - | crayon |
| 5.6 Treating Dating Related Injuries and Illnesses |
| - | Dating is not a hazard-free activity. Knowing how to deal with little mishaps could make the difference between a good and a bad date. Here are some tips for different kinds of injuries you might encounter. |
| 5.6.1 Decapitation |
| - | Decapitation is often fatal. It is to be avoided. If a severed head occurs, try to at least catch it before it hits the ground. This will keep cranial damage to the minimum. Then, put it on ice and find an emergency room quickly. |
| 5.6.2 Dislocated Skeleton |
| - | This painful and rare injury is problematic. Your best hope is to pop it back into place as quickly as possible. Otherwise, a date interrupting trip to the hospital might be necessary. |
| 5.6.3 Gaping Flesh Wounds |
| - | If you get a gaping flesh wound, stuff it full of toilet paper or rags and finish the date. It's something you can deal with. |
| 5.6.4 Explosive Leprosy |
| - | An episode of this will require your date to be cut short. In addition to being kind of gross, it is easy to spread this disease to many people (since body parts will tend to rot off and then explode - a bad thing to happen in a crowded restaurant or club). |
| 6 Reader Contributions |
| - | These were sent in by readers of this page. |
| 6.1 10% rule |
| - | A 10% success rate is the sweet spot for hitting on girls. If your success rate is higher than that, you aren't being ambitious enough. You should ask out more attractive girls. If your success rate is lower than that, you should scale back your expectations. You should ask out less attractive girls. |
| 6.2 Does this make me look fat? |
| - | There is great danger here. The only correct and appropriate response to this question is a firm but not too quickly given "No". This answer is your only chance. However, even giving the correct answer in the correct manner is no guarantee of avoiding disaster. |
| 6.3 Don't buy women gifts that die. |
| + | This includes, but is not limited to: |
| - | flowers |
| - | puppies |
| - | plants |
| 6.4 Women Like Cute Little Vehicles |
| - | If you're serious about chasing women, purchase a cute little pick-up truck. Women love those things. |
| 6.4.1 Subaru Brat |
| - | It's my understanding women like Subaru Brats in particular. A coworker of mine, recently purchased a Brat and several female neighbors started showing an interest. |